So, after many months of very hard work I passed my yoga teacher training! I am thrilled to be able to say I am now a yoga teacher.
After the emotionally draining final assessment day where I had to teach a full class, it was then swiftly followed the next day with some crazy final holiday preparations. My daughter was going on a school trip to Barcelona and I was using the opportunity to have a mini break in Spain with my best friend.
Yes I was tired and drained, but also elated and looking forward to having a break from my everyday life.
After a very early 3 am start, my daughter and luggage deposited on the school coach, and way too many hours of travel, my friend and I finally arrived in Tarifa, Spain, a beautiful, unspoilt, beach town and apparently one of the worlds most popular destinations for wind sports (not that we tried any!). The beaches were breath-taking – undeveloped, wide, fine sand, beautiful water, peaceful and quiet, especially early in the day. We drank one mojito each (OK, maybe a few…), ate some amazing fresh seafood, did some yoga, and laughed more than I thought possible. Then I came home.
I was expecting that after qualifying as a teacher and spending some amazing best friend time in a beautiful, peaceful location, to feel motivated, full of energy and raring to go for the next stage of my yoga teacher journey. Instead I felt nothing good, just flat and a bit empty and I wasn’t sleeping all that well either.
I couldn’t be bothered with anything. I didn’t even practice yoga. In an endeavour to feel better and try and figure out what the heck was going on, I had many heartfelt chats with my best friend, I clicked on lots of yoga articles on my social media news feeds, and I tried to read some of my favourite yoga books. But nada, nothing, zilch…I still felt the same. I started to think that, dare I say it, I was a tiny bit depressed.
Of the many negative thoughts I was having, one of them was that I wasn’t sure about the reality of actually becoming a yoga teacher and what it would entail…self doubt was starting to creep in.
I knew I should be doing something, anything, for my new career, so when I was able to muster a thimbleful of energy, I started to do a little bit of work on my website and social media pages in preparation for when I feel it the right time to make them live and put myself ‘out there’. It was whilst researching other teacher’s websites for ideas/inspiration that I stumbled across and watched a famous teacher talk about yoga and depression.
She didn’t say anything that I hadn’t heard of/read/thought about before, but it’s good sometimes to hear something in a new format. She said that the spark of your own happiness is your birthright. It made me feel a little emotional…so often we get bogged down, without realising, with deep emotional baggage. But what she said is true. Each and every one of us is made to be happy, it is our entitlement. And when that happiness isn’t there, we tend to look outside for things to fill us up, but we know really that this never works in the long term. Really it exists already within us and to find this, we need to connect with the true nature of our inner being and for me, that is through yoga. So my quest starts again to find that happiness. And that place is back on the mat, and hopefully the rest will follow. I will get back on the right track and find my place in this life, and I feel/hope that my place is to share the light of yoga with others through teaching.
Namaste (I see the light in you),